Call me the Great Swami

Time to break out that crystal ball and predict what will happen this season to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

1. By November, when it matters, the love affair I have with every player on this team will start to wane and I will begin to hate certain players (I'm looking at you Jason Blake).


2. No matter how well the Leafs do the mittenstringers will find their way to criticize them. If they are in a playoff position, it will be for rebuilding too fast and not accumulating draft picks. If they are not in a playoff position, then Cox et al will break out the playoff drought articles and the obligatory 1967 references.


3. Grabbo will be the most entertaining player to watch. Maybe he won't score 50 goals but with that hair, that truculent spirit, and his destruction of pineapples he doesn't need to.


4. Luke Schenn will not suffer from the so-called "sophomore jinx" and will be amazing as usual. He will make several ladies pregnant just with a glance.


5. Tomas Kaberle will not end the season as a Leaf but it won't be on the team Hockeybuzz "predicts". In fact Hockeybuzz will be wrong about all things Leafs (e5).


6. Gustavsson/Toskala arguments will dominate the airwaves and it will be a good thing.


7. The Leafs will finish higher than the Senators. This unlike an Alfredsson guarantee, will happen.


8. The Leafs will be accused of having a lack of scoring even if they finish 10th in the League in scoring, again.

9. The Montreal Canadiens will not be able to cross the Leafs blue line due to fear of decapitation. Even I'm not short enough to make that team.


10. PLAYOFFS!!!1

I Hate Babies

I'm going to do something I would never do and quite possibly will never do again. I'm going to write because I feel sorry for the Ottawa Senators. I don't feel bad because they have the worst fans in the league or the lisping GM but because of the way Dany Heatley has handled this entire trade situation. Dany Heatley is an asshole.

He first demanded a trade because he couldn't handle the fact that Cory Clouston played him less. A more intelligent, respectable player might have actually looked at the fact that the Sens improved under Clouston as a good thing but not selfish Dany Heatley. Now the rumour is that he wants a trade because Clouston might rip the A of his jersey . Well whinypants the alternate captain designation is earned. If you don't show leadership then you deserve to lose it. The entire overreaction in demanding to be dealt shows that he doesn't have the fortitude to handle a commanding role.

Now though Heatley has managed to top himself. He has sunk down to uber assholemania. By not responding to the trade to the Oilers (as I write this the deadline for the Sens $4 million bonus has just passed) he has prevented his GM from getting what he considers to be the best possible deal just because he doesn't want to play for Edmonton. Now though is Murray's turn to act. He needs to demand that Heatley shows up to play for Ottawa come October. Until Heatley decides to remove all the restrictions on his NTC Heatley should be forced to play. In the case that he chooses to sit home and not play, because he can't handle the inevitable booing, then the Sens can do what they did with Yashin and withhold his salary. Take the cap hit if the CBA demands but out of principle refuse to trade him until he agrees to go wherever the team decides to send him.

Now that Heatley has shown his true character it will be very interesting to see which GMs want him on their franchise. Yashin had a similar problem. He was a phenomenal talent, but was awful to deal with off the ice. It makes you wonder if Heatley was the true locker room cancer. At this point I do not see how he could be considered for Team Canada. He has handled himself with a complete lack of class. A guy who killed someone should know better.